You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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