Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
