Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize