maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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