omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
