someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
