How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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