I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she peed on how many people?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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