why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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