I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she peed on how many people?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
