i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
