I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just found puke in my bra..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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