I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
