I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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