If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
