i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
