I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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