Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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