your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
