she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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