Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
