no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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