Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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