I wanna passion pit in your ass
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
