My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
