I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
