I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
