i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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