so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
