I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
