I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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