it wasn't lemon gatorade
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
