If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
