So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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