why do cheetos always look like penises
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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