At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
