I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
