do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
