i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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