I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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