I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
