So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's get the cat blown out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
