oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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