Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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