see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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