His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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