The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
