can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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