fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
