Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
