Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
