I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
