yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
should my penis look like a turkey
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
