whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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