I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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