We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
