she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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