Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
