The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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