this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
