you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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