He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
