where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
