I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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