I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
