just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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