just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
