Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
