Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
