apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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