how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
