He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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