wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
