They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
